Something Odd: A Black LagoonSuperman Tale
by Dr Gonzo
Summary: Lois and Clark are right in the midst of a crisis as usual but Clark doesn't have to do any of the heavy lifting. -- The Worlds Most Dangerous Maid is on the case.


** Something Odd -- A Black Lagoon / Superman Tale  
**

** Author: B.H. Ramsay **

** Disclaimer: I own nothing, I created nothing, what will you get if you sue me...nothing ... consider yourself disclaimed  
**

** Rating: Teen  
**

** Spoilers: minor for ****El Baile de la Muerte**

** Summary: Lois and Clark are right in the midst of a crisis as usual but Clark doesn't have to do any of the heavy lifting. -- The Worlds Most Dangerous Maid is on the case.**

************

"Do you smell that Clark?" Lois Lane enthused at they walked though the hot and dry Venezuelan air.

Clark Kent sniffed the air, "I think that might be lunch. Are you hungry? I thought you were back on your GI Diet again?" He asked.

"Not the food Clark," The world famous reporter sighed, "cordite and nervous fear. That Mister Kent is the smell of a story."

Clark wasn't about to argue. Arguing with Lois Lane never went well and besides he was briefly distracted putting out a small fire that would have consumed the market plaza. He sent a stealthy blast of icy breath at an open air grill that had caught fire. No one noticed, not even the cook who was too busy shouting at his dishwasher to notice how close to losing his life he had been.

When he was done, he caught up with Lois, "Good thing then that Parry decided he needed us to cover this meeting between the country's landowners, business leaders and President Gorge." Clark agreed dodging around a vendor and trying to make it look accidental when he tripped a fleeing shoplifter. "This Pan-American Conference will be the last stop for the new President before he makes his way to Metropolis to meet with the world."

Lois snorted, "You mean his last chance to show the world he isn't a grasping lapdog of the drug cartels, just the rich and powerful."

"Lois the man is trying, it can't be easy rallying the people especially since many of them were still loyal to Diego Lovelace." Clark pointed to a poster of the fallen reformer identical to many still hanging around the city. The poster was covered in flowers and messages of tribute. Lovelace still commanded great respect even now several months after his mysterious assassination.

"You know what's wrong with this picture Clark." She pointed to a young boy walking with a woman in a Victorian era maid's uniform. "Lovelace was one of the Thirteen Families and so is the New President. Those dudes have been running things for a long time and here it is, a revolution or two later, and they are still trying to run things. How is this place ever supposed to change if the people still act like being in charge is a right instead of a privilege."

Clark looked at the tall bespectacled Maid carrying a rather large load while her youthful charge was walking a large white dog while talking animatedly. "She doesn't look that unhappy." Clark pointed out.

Lois sniffed, "Yeah this is probably the first time Junior has let her out of the house in like forever ."

"Well we don't know that." Clark pointed out.

"You know what Farm-boy, you are so right." Lois marched off toward the duo. Clark realized with horror what was on his partner's mind.

"Hi Kid," Lois boldly asked, "My friend and I were just wondering, how is your maid enjoying her day out in the markets?"

"I'm sorry," Clark sighed trying to pull her away from the mystified Boy and the Maid who was looking at them with suspicious eyes." My friend is should not be talking to people when she hasn't taken her meds."

"Its all right," The Boy said "Roberta has also been unwell she ...she was ill but she's feeling much better so she wanted to come with me today,"

"So are you one of the Families supporting the New President?"

"My Father thought President Gorge was the best man a member of the ruling class who still wants the best for those of all stations."

"Well if your daddy thinks so it must be true right?"

"I would hope so My father died for his beliefs."

Lois startled at this, "Who was your father?"

"Diego Lovelace."

"Without Master Diego there would be no Conference," The Maid snapped coldly, "The people who want to change things in this country might have no voice. We might be living under yet another military dictator. Of course, I'm sure your American Government would have preferred such a thing."

"Roberta." The Boy said "Father would have understood their suspicions. He himself said things will never change as long as those in charge treat that post as if it was an entitlement they deserve as opposed to being a privilege to be earned."

While Lois was looking at the boy as if he had grown a second head. Clark snickered, "When my partner recovers the power of speech I think she will tell you that you are very well spoken for one so young." Clark said when he managed to stop laughing.

"Thank you I hope we will get a chance to speak again." said the young boy. He and Maid walked toward the conference centre.

"OK did I just see the Great Lois Lane bull-rushed by a teenage boy?" Clark asked snidely.

"Clark did you see the maid?"

"Honestly Lois let the Maid go. She seems to like the boy and I can see why, He's a pretty good kid."

"I'm not talking about that. I mean the eyes...she had soldier's eyes. The way she was standing, The way she was moving. She was ready to do us both right there."

"So you're done thinking she's some simple peasant being abused by the ruling class. Now you think she's some mad dog killer?"

Clark was enjoying his fun at Lois' expense when the maid looked back at them and Clark saw it for himself a dark and analyzing look. He imagined Lois had seen the look many times growing up as an army brat but his experience was a little more visceral. That look had been on the face of every person who had ever come close to killing the Man of Steel.

The Conference dragged through the day The boy was indeed the son of Diego Lovelace and President Gorge made sure to frequently acknowledge the boy and by extension his father. The boy took it well and as the day wore on along with some pretty long winded and colourful speeches, Clark noticed that The Maid was constantly scanning the room. Watching everyone and everything. When a man rose near the end of the the President's speech and headed toward the exit The Maid's eyes narrowed and she whispered to the boy before raising and following him.

The President wrapped up his remarks and the audience rose in enthusiastic applause. Suddenly gunfire cut the air killing the sound of clapping. save for a single set of hands a tall burly man stepped forward. clapping slowly.

Clark Kent quickly scanned the room noting the arrival of a dozen armed thugs. Clark watched as the gunmen fanned out across the room. He could easily take many of them down but not without risking one hitting a hostage. This would require that sneaky tactical kind of thing he was not good at.

"This is what I get," Clark said to himself, "I should have been paying attention when Bruce offered to teach me how he manages to take out a room full of crooks in as little as five minutes."

"An excellent performance Eamon," The man said, "You speak such pretty words. I wonder why you did not speak so when they were putting my wife and her child in the ground."

"Her death was tragic Marquese as was that of your son. I could never trust that with your divided loyalties you did not have something to do with their deaths."

Marqese's compatriots quickly tied everyone up. Clark wasn't worried about the hard plastic zip-cuffs, he could break them with ease. He was more concerned about the woman beside him. Lois' body language was as familiar as anyone to him and it said that she about to go all "Die-Hard" on someone. If the thugs tried anything with Lois, Clark would make a move and secret Identity be damned.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," The Leader cried out, "For too long the ruling class and the puppet masters of Washington have lead our country astray. Well today a blow will be struck for the good of the people."

"Clark" Lois hissed at him, "That 's General Marquese I thought he was dead?"

"You've heard of me?" Marquese snapped as he stalked toward Lois, "Small wonder, It is well known the US was behind the attempt on my life."

"Funny I heard it was the Bloodhound of Florencia who killed you." Lois snapped, with defiant anger in her eyes.

"I am the only one to escape the Bloodhound...Bombed my house and killed my wife and family but I escaped."He stood up, "Now I lead a new army with a new goal . Liberating our country from its ruling class leeches starting here...with you Eamon."

The golden haired boy stood up, "You don't have to follow this man he will get you all killed. Give up now, release the hostages and I promise you, you will not be harmed."

"Check out the pair on Little Lord Fauntleroy." Lois whispered.

Clark had to admit to being impressed as well. The boy was earnest and his voice strong,. Maybe that was why the General slapped him to the ground.

"See this, this boy is the problem, His rich indolent parents have taught this boy that we, his equals, are not to be taken seriously. That your pain is nothing, that your dreams are nothing. You want to know why we are doing this. It is to teach people like this boy that they are not beyond judgment."

The boy stood his ground anyway. "You are risking your followers lives. They don't need to die...You don't have to die."

"The only one who will die is you if you don't shut up you little ..."

Clark heard it first, He was the only one in the room who could have heard it. The grotesque sound a neck makes when it is quickly and brutally snapped. He scanned the wall and saw in x-ray vision, a female figure moving with deadly grace and speed taking out guard after guard and making almost no sound.

"You should ..." Clark had to think fast, "Talk to the press make a statement ...a manifesto so that we can ... carry your message to the world."

"Yes I will make a statement and this boy will help me." He grabbed the boy and hauled him to the center of the room. Clark looked again at the female outside she was holding some kind of large weapon.

"Well if your going to make a statement to the press then by God, your going to do it to me; Lois Lane, Daily Planet."

"Your reputation precedes you Miss Lane as does your city's most famous son Rest assured If I even think your Superman is coming I will kill the hostages. Even he can not be fast enough to prevent all their deaths and my men are loyal unto death."

"Yada, yada, yada you got a statement lets hear it ....lets start with the basics -- who, what, where, and why?" Lois snapped with efficiency as she started punching keys on her e-tablet.

Marquese positioned the boy in front of him and was starting to speak. Clark looked again for the fast moving shadow outside.

"What is it about you and danger Lois?" Clark sighed as he ripped his bonds and grabbed her and pulled her to the ground just as the wall exploded.

There she was, still dressed in her maids outfit which she had accessorized with several weapons. She had made her explosive entrance with a large rifle that she dropped as she pulled two large pistols. She quickly snapped off several rounds, taking down several of the Marquese's thugs before they could even move.

As Roberta stepped forward gunning down several more thugs one of them rose up behind her aiming his weapon from the shadows. Thinking quickly, Clark used his heat vision making the assassin's weapon explode in his hand even as The Maid fired a no-look-shot that gunned him down.

All too soon all of the General's men lay dead as the maid come to a stop next to Lois and Clark.

"Please remain on the floor where it is safest." the woman said with gentleness that did not match the lethal brutality of her actions. She focused her aim on Marquese huddled behind The Lovelace boy.

"You," Marquese shouted, "You were dead, they said you were dead."

"They lied to you like they always lie. It was not you I was after. It was your wife. she was an informant She failed in her duties. I was the punishment they sent."

"Roberta please there is no need ...we'll just hand him over to the authorities." The boy pleaded.

Roberta shook her head head slowly, "Young Master, he will not allow himself to be taken alive will you General? You are brave enough with an army and a gun at your back but deprived of these things you are just a sewer rat dangerous and crazed."

"I survived you once Bloodhound, I will do it again."

"You will not and you should be more aware of your surroundings." she shot a hanging decoration and the bullet ricocheted around the room before lodging in the General's throat. As he collapsed to the floor his gun hit the ground and it went off. Everyone was so busy looking at Roberta no one saw the blur of speed that yanked the bullet from the air.

"You are unhurt Young Master?" Roberta asked.

"No, I'm fine I tried to get them to give up. I knew you were coming for me. Why didn't they listen?"

"You are not to blame for their choices. Master Garcia, Angels in heaven can not outdo a man who does his best."

Garcia nodded sadly before turning to the crowd. "I'm sorry for the disruption if you will file out I'm sure the authorities will be here by now. Roberta you had better make yourself scarce before there are questions that have to answered."

"That was amazing." The President said as he looked at the carnage around him. "I've never seen..."

"Your Head of Security was bribed, I saw him speaking with Marquese's man. The Young Master will attend no more of these sideshows if you are going to hire such disloyal dogs to serve you." Roberta snapped.

"My head of Security ...? I will have him detained we will get the truth out of him i swear."

"There is no need -- I got all the truth I needed from him," Roberta said, "I assure you, he will not be betraying anyone ever again." Clark shuddered at the cold steel in her voice.

Roberta turned on her heel and marched from the room, if she cared for the carnage she had wrought she gave no sign. Garcia seemed oddly calm considering his minder had apparently just slaughtered a dozen men in as many minutes.

Clark opened his fist. The bullet he had pulled from the air would have hit Lois. He had done such amazing feats many times , he no longer thought much of them. But this woman, ...only his friend Bruce in Gotham City could move as quickly and with such single mined purpose.

"So kid, was that really the Bloodhound of Florencia?" Lois asked the young boy who looked at her a moment before replying,

"The Bloodhound of Florencia is dead Ma'am. That was my housemaid Roberta. She can't cook or clean very well, but she is very good at taking care of me."

Clark stepped forward and shook the boys hand, "Well give your maid our thanks, We were in a tight spot there and she really came though."

"Thank you Senor Kent. " The boy smiled "I hope the rest of your and Senorita Lane's stay in our city will be less eventful."

Lois watched him walk over and join Roberta taking her hand. Once again she was the gentle and doting guardian showing not a trace of deadly killer Lois had seen only moments before. "I told you there was more going on with those two then met the eye." She mused thoughtfully, "I gotta get back to the hotel and write this while its fresh then we'll check into this Bloodhound connection."

"Lois are you sure you want to poke at that hornets nest?"

"Clark one of the most infamous Terrorist IN THE WORLD is acting as babysitter for a kid who could very well end up running this country aren't you the least bit curious how that happened?"

"One of the most infamous Terrorists in the world gave up a life of killing and war to care for a smart compassionate boy ...I'm not thinking there is any great mystery why. Whatever she was looking for, she found it with him. I'm for letting her hold on to it as long as she can."

Lois grumbled, "Maybe, still I think I was right. There was more going on with El Presidente then met the eye."

"Well we have a day and a half before we are due back in Metropolis if there is a story there you have till then to find it."

Lois snorted "Are you kidding, its me." Lois paused, You know something Smallville It was nice having someone else do the rescue thing for a change."

"Don't tell me Superman has been replaced ...what will he do without his number one fan?"

"That ex-boxer from Suicide Slums, Bibo, he is Superman's Number One Fan. As for me, well nothing like looking up and seeing some scary as hell Maid armed to the teeth and ready to unleash hell to make me appreciate Superman's more laid back approach. "

Lois was off and running Clark thought about the young boy. That someone so deadly had made his protection her priority said much about him and perhaps about her as well. Bruce was amazingly well informed about such things he resolved to check in when he was next in Gotham.

There was something about that woman ...something odd.

***

Roberta watched as the big man and the loud abrasive woman wandered off. She had thought there was something odd about the man and now she knew it. Garcia had seen nothing and neither had the woman but Roberta, Roberta was one of a maybe a thousand people living on the planet who's eyesight could pick it out. She had seen the big man, SEEN him, mind you, move quick as lightning to snatch the bullet from the air. She also suspected he had something to do with why the weapon Marquese's sharpshooter was using had exploded in his hand.

Roberta watched as he did it again, seeming to accidentally stumble, he was deliberately hip checking a car that had been about to run down an old man. If he could do that, then he could have neutralized the threat to the Young Master on his own. Roberta shrugged, If anyone could understand the value of maintaining a secret identity, it was the former Rosarita Cisnaros -- Bloodhound of Florencia. After all, had she not been maintaining one for quite a few years now.

Still he seemed to concentrate his energies on looking after the loud woman. That she had such a man looking out for her said much about her and about him as well. Gorge had wanted The Young Master to accompany him to Metropolis and Roberta had been less then wild about the idea but if Garcia was indeed seriously considering it and she might see this man again... well it might be a pleasant vacation after all.

*the end*

AN-- Yes I know Roberta lacking an LL in her name puts her out of the running as a potential romance but I had to end it somehow and this was the least cheesy ending that came to me.


End file.
